So my best friend recently moved to Australia to start a new life. Naturally, as one does he sent me a lovely postcard and small little gift via Airmail. The postcard was to be everything I expected as we both have… Let’s say an interesting sense of humour. The message on the postcard certainly reflected this. Also in the envelope was a strange business card about Crystal Meth and a large smooth Kangaroo testicle. It was genuine. How this is something you can buy I do not know.
Come our Summer BBQ party I decided to bring it outside and show everyone, slap it on people’s faces and throw it at people, the usual that you do with testicles of course. After much abuse of the balls I put them back in my pocket of my light grey shorts to take back in the house.
When it was wash day we had a load of whites to do so naturally my light grey shorts were put in that pile. We dumped the load in and the cycle began.
All was fine and dandy that day until the Wife came running into the living room. “Jack! All the whites have turned pink!”.
I shot up to go with her to the outhouse where we were presented with a machine full of bright pink goods. Even my favourite Calvin Klein boxers were not spared. What on Earth could have caused this?
We turned out every pocket we could to find the culprit until we came to the light grey shorts I had been wearing previously. My wife slowly turned out the pocket to have a shrivelled up testicle drop in her hand, all the red dye it had been precured with absolutely sucked out of it. I burst into laughter, I couldn’t stop. That poor little scrotum was now tiny due to the hot wash.
Word to the wise be sure to check all your pockets before starting a wash; you never know if a secret testicle may be in there. Thankfully we managed to return the whites back to normal after a few washes.
Testicles ruin lives.